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Thursday, March 10, 2005
.:: bato-bato sa langit, ang tamaan wag magagalit! ::.
Para sA mGa di Makuntento...
sa mga 2-TimeRs dyan... para sa inyo ito!!!
Two timer ka?
Nagangaliwa/Nangaliwa ka?
Namamangka/Namangka sa dalawang ilog.
Mga taong walang tiwala sa sarili.
Mga taong nilamon, ng kanilang mga insecurities.
May mga lalaking, may girlfriend o may asawa na, pero nanliligaw pa sa iba.
Mga lalaking talagang ganung kagago na kahit masaya na sila sa relasyon nila, naghahanap pa sila ng "spice" sa buhay. mahal na mahal ?daw? nila ang girlfriend nila, and they see themselves spending the rest of their lives with that woman, pero may mga fling sila dahil lang sa gusto nila ng ibang putahe...
bwiset, no? may main course na sila, may side dish pa!.
pero in fairness di lang naman mga lalaki ang ganito eh...
may mga babae ring nagboboyfriend pa, samantalang may boyfriend na siya. Humahanap ng kalinga ng iba, naghahanap ng pwedeng gastusan ang kanyang mga luho niya. Mukhang mahirap ang malagay sa ganung sitwasyon.
Wag mong itanong skin, kung anong pakiramdam, kasi hindi ko pa nagagawa, ang ganyang klaseng kagaguhan. Hindi ako, yung tipo ng taong mapanghusga. Sadyang hindi lang talaga ako kumbinsido sa dahilan ng mga nangangaliwa, na nagagawa ang mga ganung kagaguhan sa iba. Marami akong kakilalang ganun, mahilig mangaliwa, magaling mag-two time. Hindi ko sila, hinuhusgahan. Dahil ang totoo, malalim naman ang pagka-tao nila, baluktot nga lang ang pananaw sa pag-ibig.
Siguro nga mga gago at gaga sila.
Hindi nila, iniisip ang damdamin ng iba.
Balewala lang sa kanila, ang mag-two time o mangaliwa.
Okey lang sa kanila, basta masaya sila.
Gago! and tanong ko naman eh eto... masaya ka ba talaga?
Siguro nga, panandaliang kaligayahan. Biruin mo nga naman daming, benefits: regalo, atensiyon, kaligayan. San ka pa. Sila yung mga taong hindi makuntento for what they have. Mga taong hindi makuntento sa isa lang. Yung iba, para magyabang lang. Parang pampataas ng ego. Macho ka kapag dami mong chikababes. Pam-pag-gain ng self confidence. Yung tipong feeling mo, ang ganda o ang gwapo, kasi dami ka syota, dami nahuhumaling sayo. Yung iba pilit nahinahanap yung qualities ng isang perfect partner. Mahirap ata iyon ah. Sila yung mga taong hindi marunong magisip kung ano nga ba yung pwedeng mangyari sa ginagawa nila. Basta masaya sila, ok lang sa kanilang mangaliwa kahit alam nilang mali yun, at kahit alam nilang may matatapakan silang ibang tao at walng pakialam kung may nasasaktan/masasaktan ba sa ginagawa nila. Hindi nila alam kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng sakit o siguro manhid lang sila dahil madalas nilang gawin yun. Walang tamang batayan para skin, kung pwede kang mangaliwa o hindi. Dahil, hindi sapat ang mga batayan na yun para sa isang, kamangmangan na pananaw sa pag-ibig. Hindi normal ang pangangaliwa but its rampant. Well, kung hilig mo lang maglaro, ano namang magandang mapapala mo kung mangangaliwa ka. Kung mahal mo namang talaga yung girfriend o boyfriend mo, hindi ka na dapat naghahanap ng pagkalinga sa iba.
Ay teka, ang tanong... MAHAL MO NGA BA TALAGA?
Kung oo, bakit ka pa naghanap ng iba? Makikitid ang isip ng mga taong nangangaliwa, immaturity kumbaga. Mga taong hindi marunong matuto sa tunay na kahalagahan ng damdamin at buhay ng tao.
Joni Mitchell was so right when she wrote, "You don't know what you've got till it's gone...."
 SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 06:58 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: bato-bato sa langit, ang tamaan wag magagalit! ::.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
it's been a long time since i've read some article in peyups but after i had my lunch i decided to visit the page and this article really got my attention... parang sinulat lahat ng nararamdaman ko... ang lahat ng gusto ko sabihin at lahat ng gusto ko iparating sa kanya... minsan iniisip mo pa lang may sumusulat na pala... isa lang ang ibig sabihin nun... hindi lang pala ako ang nakakaramdam ng ganun...
and for those of you out there who have the same sentiments with mine and the writer of this article... (nSeNsiTiV)... this is for us...
for the writer: meron lang akong ilang part na ni-edit at nidagdag para mas ma-express ko yung gusto ko sabihin... hope you don't mind...
--------oooooooooooooooo-------
Ang Huling Araw
Contributed by nSeNsiTiV (Edited by blue_kuko)
--some part edited by jhenskie--
Kung tatanungin ako ng Diyos kung gaano kita minahal, ang isasagot ko, 10 beses na higit pa sa nararapat. Minahal kita hindi dahil pakiramdam ko lang tama, pero dahil ginusto ko yung naramdaman ko at walang kung ano pa man.
Minsan ng may nagtanong sakin kung pinagsisisihan kong nakilala kita. Sinabi ko hindi. Ngayon na nga siguro ang araw na kinatatakutan ko. Dahil kapag tinanong ulit sa akin yan, alam kong oo na ang isasagot ko. Sa lahat kasi ng nangyari sa buhay ko, ikaw lang ang gusto kong burahin. Wala ng iba.
Alam kong tama na tong ginagawa ko ngayon. Tama ng mawala ka sa buhay ko . Dahil alam kong wala ng pag-asa yang sinasabi mong pagkakaibigan natin dahil ikaw mismo hindi mo alam kung ano ang tunay na kahalagahan ng salitang "kaibigan". Tanga lang cguro talaga ako na minsan kong inisip na yun ang pinanghahawakan ko pero hindi pala. Dahil pinili mo pa rin akong saktan kahit alam mong dapat naging isa kang kaibigan.
Nung mga panahong ikaw at ikaw lang ang kailangan ko, hindi man lang kita mahanap. Palagi mong sinasabi sakin na andyan ka lang pero hindi lang isa, dalawa o tatlong beses mo akong binalewala. At kahit alam kong alam mo yon, pinili mong tiisin ako. Ngayon hindi na ko umaasang nandyan ka pa, dahil simula palang nang-iwan ka na.
Itinapon ko na rin ang lahat ng kasinungalingang sinabi mo na ang masakit ay pinaniwalaan ko. Nang sinabi mong importante ako sa yo at hindi mo kayang wala ako, kagaguhan lang yon. Nang gabi na sinabi mo sakin na tanging ako lang ang tunay na nakakakilala sayo... hindi mga kaibigan mo or kahit sinupaman sa pamilya mo... Siguro napilitan ka lang sabihin yon, o di kaya, sinadya mo para paasahin ako. Ngayon, lahat ng binitawan mong salita, wala ng halaga. Simple lang ang rason: dahil wala ka ring kwenta.
Wala na rin akong pakialam kung nagustuhan mo man ako o hindi. Wala na akong pakialam sa lahat ng sasabihin mo at mararamdaman mo sakaling mabasa mo ito. Ang importante, nagbigay ako ng buong buo at kung humingi man ako ng kapalit yun ay hindi upang pantayan ang kaya ko ibigay sapagakat sa simula pa lang alam ko at tanggap ko na kung hanggang ano lang ang kaya mo ibigay. Na kaya kong magbigay ng 101% parang punan ang 99% na kaya mo ibigay... pero lahat ng yung binalewala mo lang. Pero nagpapasalamat pa din ako sayo kasi kahit papano, naturuan mo akong maging matatag. Natuto na rin akong tumigil sa paghahabol at pag-iyak sa taong manhid na tulad mo at walang iniisip kundi ang sarili.
Siguro nga nasira mo na ang lahat sa akin. Ang paninindigan ko, tapang at paniniwala ko, pati ang katauhan ko, pero kaya kong ibangon ang sarili ko at mabuhay ng wala ka. Ako pa rin to. Oras at araw lang ang nagbago. Hindi ako ang nagbago tulad ng palagi mong sinasabi. Ako pa din yung tao na nakilala mo dati na tapat magmahal at marunong magpahalaga ng kaibigan.
Ngayon na ang huling beses na sasabihin ko ito sa yo. Ngayon na ang huling pagkakataon na iisipin kita. Lahat ng bagay na dumaan, burado na. Pati buhay ko, bago na. Ngayon na ang huling oras na mamahalin kita. Ngayon na ang tamang oras para sa lahat, para malaman mo kung gaano mo ako sinaktan. Tapos na yon lahat ngayon. Ito na ang huling araw ng paghihirap...Tama na, tapos na. Pero sa huling araw na ito, isa lang ang sigurado ako.
Hindi ito ang huling araw na sinabi ko lahat ito.
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 02:10 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: Ang Huling Araw ::.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
.:: what we have to learn in LIFE ::.
...that no matter how much we care, some people just don't care back.
...that no matter how good a person is, they're going to hurt us every once in a while, and we must forgive them for that.
...that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
...that talking can ease emotional pains.
...that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
...that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
...that we can do something in an instant that will give us a heartache for life.
...that it's not what we have in our life, but who we have in our life.
...that good friends are family members that we are allowed to choose.
...that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
...that the people we care most about in life are taken from us too soon.
...that we should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time we see them.
...that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for ourselves.
...that we shouldn't compare ourself to the best others can do, but to the best we can do to others.
...that it's not where we are that is important. It's where we are going.
...that no matter how thin we slice it, there are always two sides.
...that it takes a long time to become the person we want to be.
...that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.
...that we can keep going long after we think we cannot.
...that either we control our attitude, or it controls us.
...that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
...that patience takes a lot of practice.
...that there are people who love us dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
...that your best friend and you can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
...that sometimes the people we expect to kick us when we're down will be the ones to help us to get back up.
...that there is more of our parents in us that we thought.
...that sometimes when we're angry we have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give us the right to be cruel.
...that just because someone doesn't love us the way we want him/her to doesn't mean /he doesn't love us with all s/he has.
...that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences we've had and
what we've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays we've celebrated.
...that we should never tell a child his/her dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if s/he believed it.
...that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by someone else. Sometimes we have to learn to forgive ourself.
...that no matter how bad our heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for our grief.
The last one is quite profound, isn't it?
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 09:30 am
soul searcher here...
.:: what we have to learn in LIFE ::.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
.:: Reasons why Women find it hard to find d Man of der Dreams ::.
it's already 9:32PM in my computer clock...
reading some of my mails in yah00 and checking my Fri3ndster at the same time since i can't do this now in the office...
one of my friend send this one & just wanna share to all LADIES out there who needs LAUGH and to the GUYS who think they can handle it...
--ooooooooo--
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
NOW, WHO THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?
"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 09:40 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: Reasons why Women find it hard to find d Man of der Dreams ::.
 just got here sa office and kanina pa lang on my way here iniisip ko na kung ano na naman gagawin ko para palipasin ang oras...haaaaaayyyyyy...
okei na sana ang araw ko kahit almost 3hours lang ang tulog ko... nag marathon ako ng 2 issue ng FHM para lang dalawin ng antok kaya past 2:00 na ata ako nakatulog tapos gising ng 5:30am kasi nag-train me ng rowing...
sabi ko nga ok na sana ang araw ko kasi kahit papano may accomplishment ako kasi nagising ako ng maaga to attend the training pero ewan ko ba parang nagsisi lang ako kung bakit nag-attend pa ako nun...
 naiinis kasi ako dun sa isang team mate ko... naturingan pa naman na lalaki pero daig pa si Boy Abunda sa pagiging madaldal at ang nakakainis pa may halong kayabangan... actually, i consider him as one of my friend sa team kasi kahit papano naging takbuhan at hingahan ko sya ng sama ng loob at ginagawa kong tambayan ang bahay nya pag minsang wala akong mapuntahan...
ewan ko ba kung ano ang problema nun at pati ang pagiging mataray ko eh napagdiskitahan eh sanay na naman sya na mataray ako... nakilala nya ako na sa lahat ng bagay may katwiran lalo na pag alam kong tama ako... pero tama ba namang sabihin sakin na ang taray taray ko daw pero wala naman akong nagawa kundi umiyak pagdating sa "ex" ko... put*** naman... eh hindi nga nya alam ang pinagdaanan ko... letche sya... ayoko na lang sya patulan kanina kasi pag ginawa ko yun lalo lang sya hindi titigil sa kaka-dada... pero nanggigigil talaga ako sa kanya sa inis kaya ewan ko ba naibuhos ko ata sa pagsasagwan ang lahat ng galit ko... parang di ko man lang naramdaman na napagod ako sa training dahil sa inis na nararamdaman ko sa kanya...
parang gusto ko tuloy magsisi kung bakit ko ni-kwento sa kanya ang tungkol sa "ex" ko...
haaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy... bakit kaya may mga taong ganun??? nakakainis talaga...
ayan, at least kahit papano gumaan ang loob ko... kasi hindi ko man nasabi sa kanya personally ang nararamdaman kong inis... naisulat ko naman d2... yan ang advantage ng may blogg... hehehe
 break muna ako at papanoorin ko yung E13 & E14 ng Smallville Season 4... hehehe... okei na palipas ng oras...
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 02:30 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: moody day ::.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
i have nothing important to write...gusto ko lang mag post...
it's already 12:19am in the computer that i am using right now...
gosh... past 12 na pala, at heto pa din ako sa labas ng bahay... heheeh... what's new...
di ko tuloy napanood ang FULL HOUSE at STAIRWAY to HEAVEN
actually, wala ako balak mag-internet kasi naglaro kami ng badminton ng ma college friends ko... pagdating ko ng haus nalaman ko na and2 pala ang pinsan ko kaya sumunod na din ako... kaya heto ako ngayon... checking my FRI3NDST3R at Yah00mail kasi di ko na magawa sa office yun ngayon eh...
may ka-chat ako right now... kumustahan lang...
sabi ko naman wala ako importante isusulat d2 eh...
ang tagal ko pa nag-isip kung ipo-post ko ito or hindi... sayang naman ang effort ko ng pagta-type kaya cge na nga i-post na din kahit walang kwenta...
uuwi na ako... inaantok na ako eh...
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 01:19 am
soul searcher here...
...past 12am na pala...
Monday, February 28, 2005
... from jhenskie to blue-skies ...
guys, i changed my blogdrive address from
http://jhenskie.blogdrive.com to http://blue-skies.blodgrive.com
instead of deleting my account for some reason i'd rather not mention, i just came to the idea of changing it's address... buti na lang pwede...
i want a new start...
a new beginning...
a new idea...
a new topic for my blogg...
i have to leave the past behind... but i decided not to delete all the posts that i make for you...
what i've written here is not just for me only to realize something but for those whose into same dillema like mine...
but before i leave everything behind...
i just hope i made a difference...
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 10:02 am
soul searcher here...
... from jhenskie to blue-skies ...
Thursday, February 24, 2005
"What do you want from me? Answer me now..." I asked him.
"Friendship...", he said...
"Don't give me that bull*** okei... tell me right now to my face that S** is all you want from me...", i angrily said.
"No, it's not... it's friendship... wala ako magagawa kung ayaw mo maniwala...", he then replied.
What i did last night was really hard... i never thought na magagawa ko yun... maybe i'm too stupid... my friend even asked me "girl, asan na ang pride mo?" but damn... wala na akong pakialam kung nilamon ko lahat ng pride ko kagabi... basta ang alam ko pagod na ako sa lahat ng sakit na binibigay nya... "OO", nasaktan pa rin ako... pero ngayon at least nasasaktan ako dahil ginusto ko...
I insist that he told her everything... as in everything that happens between the two of us... Honestly, i don't want anything... i never did that to ruined what the he** they have...
I don't know if somebody will understand me or believe me if i say that... what i did is to correct everything which is wrong from the very start... somehow may kasalanan din ako sa lahat ng nagyari... and i just want to correct everything...
But after last night... after what i did... after i heard from him that he's just doing it bcoz of "satisfaction"... i know from there... he doesn't deserve everything, even my friendship...
After all the pain and suffering that he brought me for almost a year... i am very sure that i am now ready to build the wall between the two of us... Enough of the humiliation i felt each time i tried to reach out to him... enough for the chances that i might still gave to him... Naubusan na ako ng reasons to justify lahat ng ginagawa nya...
Now i'm asking myself, how could I waste a time of my life with someone like him who doesn't want me anymore? Some of you may think that i am sourgraping, or other phrases that you may think is appropriate on what i did... But i think i need a more credit than that... As a friend, i never gave up on him 'coz i promised it to him but i guess for him promises is just a joke...
The lousy attitude i saw from him last night somehow liberated me from too much pain and suffering. What i sadly realized is that it's already one whole year of getting "gaga" over him...
I even asked my friend last night to slap me too hard for me to wake up from this nightmare i had for over a year...
And now that im already awake from that nightmare... this is all i can say...
You don't deserve me... my love, my friendship... my everything...
If i can live my life again without any traces of you... I will...
Maybe as some of my friends always say... "Jhen, u're being stupid"
I guess they're right...
I am stupid...
For making you part of my life...
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 11:46 am
soul searcher here...
.:: friends no more ::.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
.:: anybody out there??? ::.
is it really possible to forget everything... as in everything that happens in the past???
is it possible to forget somebody na sobrang mahal na mahal mo pero alam mo na hindi naman kayang suklian ang pagmamahal na kaya mo ibigay???
lahat n ng justification at iba't ibang klaseng convincing power ginawa ko na sa sarili ko just to lessen the pain pero wala pa ring nangyayari... i'm still in pain...
damn... ayoko na talaga!!!
for how many times na sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na "get over it jhen"... is how many times i kept on asking myself hanggang kelan ko ba talaga mararamdaman ito...
for over a year now, my life is like a rollercoaster ride...
today i'm okei but then tomorrow depressed na naman ako...
what the f***...
i hate this feeling... it seems that this pain is endless...
ewan ko ba... even though my friends kept on telling me to be patient...
na someday... somehow... everything will get better...
i really don't know if it is possible to forget everything...
is there anybody out there who can help me how to end this agony and make everything possible???
please... please... please...
I NEED YOU TO HELP ME!!!
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 06:11 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: anybody out there??? ::.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
.:: it's been a year... ::.
Feb. 22, 2004 (Sunday)
he said over the phone...
"tapusin na natin ito... wala na ito patutunguhan..."
"i love you... pero hindi ikaw yung gusto ko makasama for the rest of my life"
Feb. 23, 2004 (Monday)
she gave him a letter begging for another chance...
but then he said...
"we need to grow... but this time... on our own..."
"we have to find ourself..."
"ur not the same person i used to know... u've change a lot..."
"our love became... i love bcoz i need you..."
"u became to much dependent on me... you already lost ur identity..."
she asked him...
"mahal mo pa ba ako?"
he said...
"oo naman, pupunta ba ako d2 kung hindi kita mahal..."
she then reply...
"okei, panghahawakan ko yung sinabi mong yan..."
and he said again...
"ok, panghawakan mo pero wag mo gawing hadlang..."
then he left...
and she cried...
for almost a month she wallowed in self pity... until she finally realized that maybe she really need to let him go...
she did try even though it hurts like h***... she did try to somehow live her life again...
until one day, she found out something... something that she never expected...
...fast forward...
Feb. 22, 2004 (Tuesday)
wheeewwww... it's been a year!!!
and still...
she's still in this agony that no one can ever tell her when will it end...
her friends kept on telling her...
"it's been a year now... you have to move on with your life... kung sa simula pa lang ginawa mo na kung ano ang tama... hindi ka na nagkakaganyan ngayon..."
she don't know what to think...
she don't know till when...
so many times that she told herself that she's giving up 'coz she's tired already...
a year has passed...
and that same old girl...
she's thinking...
her mind say's let go and move on...
but her heart say's hold on and don't give up...
she still do love him... she wants him to be happy but sometimes she wishes that she was the one who can give him that happiness again...
but still...
there she is...
wishing...
dreaming...
hoping...
maybe not in this lifetime...
but she has faith...
that someday... somehow... he'll be back in her arms again...
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 06:53 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: it's been a year... ::.
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