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Friday, July 15, 2005
.:: ikaw, ano gagawin mo??? ::.
"what if you had one day left, what would you do?"
>>last night i watched "If Only" ni Jennifer Lovehewitt with my best buddy. t'was a really nice movie na okei lang kahit ulit-ulitin ko... additional na naman sa collection of beatiful movies na gusto ko... hehehe
neweiz, let's go back with the movie...
i was really touched dun sa ginawa nung guy...
while watching it i kept on asking my buddy kung meron pa ba ganung guy sa mundo ngayon and she just answered me with a smile...
i even asked myself the same question...
"what if i had one day left, what would i do?"
till makauwi ako ng bahay, naglalaro sa isip ko ang tanong na yan...
while having my shower, pinipilit ko pa din masagot...
nakahiga na ako at tulad ng madaming gabi na nagdaan, nakatitig na naman ako sa 4 na sulok ng kawarto... nag-iisip... ano nga ba ang gagawin ko???
ni-assess ko ang nararamdaman ko...
maraming ideas ang pumasok sa isip ko...
ang mga gusto kong gawin... mga gusto kong sabihin...
umaandar ang oras... di ko namalayan past 12am na pala...
pinilit kong pumikit para makatulog na ako pero kahit anong gawin ko hindi talaga ako makatulog... naglalaro pa rin sa isip ko ang lahat ng bagay na gusto kong gawin at sabihin kung sakaling isang araw na lang ang natitira sa buhay ko...
pero kailangan ko pa bang hintayin ang araw na yun???
sa palagay ko hindi na...
habang may oras pa ako gagawin ko na lang ang mga bagay na gusto ko gawin...
at least alam ko na kung sakaling dumating man ang araw na yun... masaya na ako at wala akong regrets na hindi ko nagawa or nasabi...
hindi ko na alam kung anong oras na ako nakatulog pero feeling ko mag-uumaga na yun...
at hanggang ngayon habang ginagawa ko ito... iniisip ko pa din ang lahat...
hindi ko alam kung paao sisimulan pero at least ngayon may idea na ako kung ano ang gusto ko gawin... lam ko naman na di NYA ako papabayaan eh... lam ko na andyan SYA palagi for me...
and tulad pa din ng palagi kong sinasabi...
living for 5 seconds is the same as living for 50 years...
why wait for tomorrow if you can do it now...
LIVE LIFE as IF its your LAST...
'coz YOU'LL never KNOW what YOU'VE got till it's GONE...
 SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 02:42 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: ikaw, ano gagawin mo??? ::.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
.:: what the... ah ewan ::.
i was reading this article in one of the entries in PEX, when suddenly my phone rangs... and on the other line was him...
haaaaayyyyy, sabi ko na lang sa sarili ko...
bakit ko ba pinapahirapan ang sarili??
bakit ko ba hinayaan na muling magulo ang kahit papano ay nananahimik na pag-iisip ko???
lam ko sumhow naka-move on na ako...
natanggap ko na ang lahat... na kahit anong gawin ko ang nakalipas ay nakalipas na at di na muling magbabalik pa...
alam ko napagod na ako sa lahat ng sakit na naramdaman ko... kung tutuusin dumating na ako sa punto na naging manhid na ako at halos wala ng nararamdaman dahil yun ang gusto ko...
pero bakit eto na naman ako???
haaaaayyyyy, ewan ko ba naman kung bakit pati ang "puso" ko nakikitulad pa sakin na sobrang "pasaway"... di na lang sumunod sa gusto ng "isip" ko...
ewan ko ba kung bakit palagi silang nagtatalo...
"sige, babalikan ko na muna yung ginagawa ko!", sagot ng asa kabilang line
"okei, kala ko ba wala ka ginagawa?", ang tanong ko
ewan ko, di ko na nga alam kung nagkainitindihan kami sa pinag-usapan namain sa phone basta alam ko nagkwento lang ako at nakinig sya... pero maski ako hindi ko alam kung yung lahat ng sinasabi ko eh nagre-register sa utak ko... hindi ko alam kung bakit?
basta... kaya itinuloy ko na lang ang pagbabasa ng article na ito...
at pagkatapos...
sabi ko na naman sa sarili ko...
dapat kasi yung mga nababasa ko... ina-apply ko sa sarili ko...
may sense ba ako???
basta, basahin nyo na lang ito...
LOVING IN A FANTASY WORLD
By Joe D’ Mango
Many of us find it difficult to move on after a failed relationship because we pretend and make ourselves believe that isn’t really over. We still hope that somehow we can work things out and start over again.
There is nothing wrong with loving a person but when this feeling traps us in a world beyond what is real, then we are bound to get hurt. Most of us live in our own fantasies because it is safer there. But, the more time we spend in this make-believe world, the more we drift away from reality and the more we are likely to be imprisoned by our own fears.
Relationships are made and broken everyday. Those who lose it are always faced with a difficult task of moving on alone. What most of us refuse to understand is that we cannot move on without acceptance in our hearts. For as long as we still hold back what isn’t ours anymore, we cannot truly let go.
Letting go means accepting the fact that we are alone now and what used to be "us" will just be "me" and it just has to be like that until we recover from our fall.
Give yourself time to grieve. Like in any fresh wound, the pain will always be there. But after hurting comes healing and after healing comes a new hope to build our lives again.
We can never be certain about relationships because not all of them are made to last our lifetime. But we have to constantly nurture it so it can grow and we can grow old with it.
We should not mourn forever when someone we love leaves us. We fail in our relationships because God has a better plan for us. All we have to do is trust him. Always remember that it is only when we let go that we have the chance to get back what was taken away from us.
 SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 02:45 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: what the... ah ewan ::.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
a friend of mine asked me, "mahal mo pa ba?"
then i replied, "sobra..."
she then asked me again, "ba't di mo ipaglaban?"
i just whispered, "masaya na sya, ayoko nang guluhin pa!"
 SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 04:51 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: d' conversation ::.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
...i know it's worth the wait...
I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me. if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you.
I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions. Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known "love". I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person.... and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is!
You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways! I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes.
I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me --- the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice. After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect --- for YOU! I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey. But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here ... patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love.
At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love.
And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life --- and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!
In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don't even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me...
 SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 04:57 pm
soul searcher here...
...i know it's worth the wait...
.:: just keeping myself busy ::.
wala na naman ako magawa...
buti na lang nakita ko ang site na ito... ART.COM at since wala ako ginagawa and wanted to keep myelf busy naisipan ko na lang mag paint... hehehe
at ito nga yung nagawa ko... if you wanna see how i did those pics... just click on the link under every pictures...
magandang pampalipas oras at pantanggal ng depression...
paintings by JhenSkie through the help of ART.com

 SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 12:32 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: just keeping myself busy ::.
Friday, July 08, 2005
i'LL miss whoppi for sure :-(
this morning my mom texted me that my dog "whoopi" was not feeling well "matamlay daw at kahapon pa ayaw kumain". i told my mom na painumin ng gatas at pag hindi pa rin kumain i-dala na nila sa vet... i haven't receive any text message again from her again after that...
tapos kanina lang mga 20mins ago, nag-txt ulit mommy ko na wala na si whoopi ko...
shocks... sobrang nagulat ako at naiinis sa sarili ko kasi wala man lang ako nagawa... 2 weeks ago lang nung huli ako umuwi sa bahay ako pa yung nagpaligo sa kanya tapos bilihan ko pa sya ng bagong neck bracelet para maipasyal sya ng kapatid ko... tapos bigla na lang ngayon wala na sya...
naiiyak din ako... my mom kept on texting me kasi alam nya na sobra akong maapektuhan once na malaman ko ang nangyari but then she told me na cguro daw "whoopi just save one life in our family".
cguro nga tama ang mommy ko pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasan ang malungkot... actually habang ginagawa ko ito, naiiyak ako...
wala na akong papaliguan at susuklayan pag uuwi ako ng bahay... wala lang kakagat sa slippers ko at wala na akong hahabulin pag nakakalabas sya sa kulungan nya...
shocks, mami-miss ko talaga si whoppi... till now hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang talagang nararamdaman ko pero cguro nga i just have to accept na lang na hanggang dun na lang talaga ang life nya...
sabi ng isang friend ko "ayaw mo nun at least pagdating mo dun (...pertaining to heaven i guess) may pet ka na naghihintay sayo..."
pero hindi talaga cguro ganun kadali tanggapin na nawalan na naman ako ng isang mahalagang parte ng buhay ko... for almost a year and half of having her... lam ko malaki ang naging part nya sa life ko... yung time ang emotions i spent with her...
pero ngayon wala na...
tanging memories na naman nya ang naiwan...
for sure... i will miss her :-(

 SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 05:32 pm
soul searcher here...
i'LL miss whoppi for sure :-(
Thursday, July 07, 2005
.:: and YES it's TRUE :-) ::.
hhhaaaaayyyyy... after 2 days of having flu... finally, i'm quite okei na... masyado kasi "pasaway" si jhenskie eh... hehehe
but neways, i have this article i received from a friend and i find it interesting so i decided to share it to all my(especially "single") friends out there... and i dunno if this was already posted in one of the blog in the bloggie world but for me it does make sense (it's not just bcoz i am single now) but i guess it really talks about the reality of being single for a moment...
so here it goes...
--oooooooo-oooooooo-oooooooo-oooooooo-oooooooo-oooooooo-oooooooo-
Blessings of being single
Message (i guess from the author): Too often people want what they want, or think they want at the moment, which is usually "happiness" right now. The irony of their impatience is that only by learning to wait, and by willingness to accept the bad with the good do we usually attain those things that are truly worthwhile. I have a blessing which is sometimes seen as a curse. I am blessed with the gift of being single.
For most of us twenty-something young professionals, it seems the world has already come up with it's own set of expectations on how we should live life. The world expects us to finish school in our early twenties, get a job, find the love of our lives by the time we reach our mid-twenties, marry and have kids. But the thing is, not everyone sees their dreams come true in the same way. In this article, I shall try to endeavor to change the way the world looks at being single.
The Art of Contentment
For most of us, being single will be more of a phase than a final destination. This is the best place to practice the art of contentment. Someday, I'm sure most of us will fall in love and get married. But the thing is, love will always be tested. Someone more handsome, more charming, richer, funnier, sweeter would come along. If you have not practiced the art of contentment as a single person, chances are you would be tempted to want that and not cherish your chosen one. Practicing the Art of Contentment as a single person means that you take what life gives you, good or bad, you're willing to see it through. It means you don't walk away everytime things get tough because it builds in you patience, perseverance, understanding and a hundred different virtues that people in a hurry will never have. Being single means you would find how it feels to be alone thus, allowing you to cherish every moment you spend with your chosen one.
The art of contentment means you wouldn't mind if life had to make you wait for so long to find the love of your life, because you know that the waiting would only make the finding much sweeter.
A Time to Know Yourself Better
Being single is a time of your life when you can get to know yourself better. You can pursue different interest and passions without having to ask another person's approval. It is a phase when you can keep focus on other things, discover your potentials and talents, and see yourself become more than what you expect to be. Allow yourself to surprise you. Stop wasting precious energy trying to figure out why you're still romantically unattached. It's all in the mind. Take the time to go see your friends, spend time with your family, do charity work and you will realize that you are not, and never for one moment, was alone. Try to get to know yourself first before you try to get to know other people.
To be truly loved means to be known and accepted for who you are.
How do you expect other people to know you and to love you, when you don't even know who you are?
A Choice Between Good and Best
Sometimes the dilemmas we face are not between what is absolutely bad and absolutely good. Sometimes, it's between good and best. Treat this stage of your life as a phase to evaluate who is good for you and who is best for you. Sometimes, you won't hear music, or feel magic to know who's best for you. The heart just knows and it doesn't need any romantically charged scenario to decide on the matter. Trust in your heart, and trust that time will eventually lead you to, not to the perfect partner, but to the most suitable partner for you.
Being single is a phase of life that we need to be thankful for, because being single means our hearts have yet to choose the best one for us.
Almost a non-committal. Jane Austen once wrote, that it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man (or in our times a woman), in possession of a good fortune is in search of a spouse (just to be politically correct). Well, that was what the old school wanted us to believe in. Married life is a path most of us would take. However, it is not the only path there is. Relieve yourself of the pressure and stop making every single, straight guy friend a prospect. You have no business "entrapping" them and asking (which is more like "putting a gun in the head") them of their exclusive attention, if you're not ready for commitment yourself. Sometimes, when you spend too much time trying to find a boyfriend, you normally end us marrying the first loser who comes to your door.
Take your time, the world will wait. Being married doesn't guarantee that it will make your life happy. It doesn't guarantee anything at all.
Sometimes, it only brings two miserable people together only to make their life even more miserable. Without the right intention, the emotional maturity, financial security and of course, unwavering love, you're better off unattached.
Living Life
Don't put your life on hold for Mr. Right but don't let it waste away with Mr. Wrong. Life is about things that you do and happen to you everyday. It's not about the things that could have happened but never did, or things that you think would happen in the future. Live life now. Live it to the fullest and stop beating yourself up, trying to be perfect on a Saturday night date. Allow life to surprise you with it's most wonderful blessings.
"Knowing that there are actually more options in life will empower you and will give u more chances to make better choices"
To all of us, be aware that there are a lot of options out there...taking the path of early marriage or submitting yourself to it as an escape from the hard economic conditions of our country will not make things any better...empower urselves!
 SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 03:28 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: and YES it's TRUE :-) ::.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
...rainy season again and this one is just right to feel the warmth and love of GOD for all of us...
A cold March wind danced around the dead of night in Dallas as the doctor walked into the small hospital room of Diana Blessing. Still groggy from surgery, her husband David held her hand as they braced themselves for the latest news. That afternoon of March 10, 1991, complications had forced Diana, only 24-weeks pregnant, to undergo an emergency cesarean to deliver the couple’s new daughter, Danae Lu Blessing.
At 12 inches long and weighing only one pound and nine ounces, they already knew she was perilously premature. Still, the doctor’s soft words dropped like bombs.
"I don’t think she’s going to make it,"‘ he said, as kindly as he could. "There’s only a 10-percent chance she will live through the night, and even then, if by some slim chance she does make it, her future could be a very cruel one."
Numb with disbelief, David and Diana listened as the doctor described the devastating problems Danae would likely face if she survived.
She would never walk, she would never talk, she would probably be blind, and she would certainly be prone to other catastrophic conditions from cerebral palsy to complete mental retardation, and on and on.
"No! No!" was all Diana could say. She and David, with their
5-year-old son Dustin, had long dreamed of the day they would have a daughter to become a family of four. Now, within a matter of hours, that dream was slipping away.
Through the dark hours of morning as Danae held onto life by the thinnest thread, Diana slipped in and out of sleep, growing more and more determined that their tiny daughter would live and live to be a healthy, happy young girl.
But David, fully awake and listening to additional dire details of their daughter’s chances of ever leaving the hospital alive, much less healthy, knew he must confront his wife with the inevitable.
David walked in and said that we needed to talk about making funeral arrangements.
Diana remembers, "I felt so bad for him because he was doing everything trying to include me in what was going on, but I just wouldn’t listen, I couldn’t listen. I said, ‘No, I don’t want to listen to what the doctors say; Danae is not going to die! One day she will be just fine, and she will be coming home with us!’"
As if willed to live by Diana’s determination, Danae clung to life hour after hour, with the help of every medical machine and marvel her miniature body could endure. But as those first days passed, a new agony set in for David and Diana. Because Danae’s underdeveloped nervous system was essentially ‘raw,’ the lightest kiss or caress only intensified her discomfort, so they couldn’t even cradle their tiny baby girl against their chests to offer the strength of their love. All they could do, as Danae struggled alone beneath the ultraviolet light in the tangle of tubes and wires, was to pray that God would stay close to their precious little girl.
There was never a moment when Danae suddenly grew stronger. But as the weeks went by, she did slowly gain an ounce of weight here and an ounce of strength there. At last, when Danae turned two months old, her parents were able to hold her in their arms for the very first time.
And two months later, though doctors continued to gently, but grimly warn that her chances of surviving, much less living any kind of normal life, were next to zero.
Danae went home from the hospital, just as her mother had predicted.
Today, five years later, Danae is a petite but feisty young girl with glittering gray eyes and an unquenchable zest for life. She shows no signs, whatsoever, of any mental or physical impairment. Simply, she is everything a little girl can be and more, but that happy ending is far from the end of her story.
One blistering afternoon in the summer of 1996 near her home in Irving, Texas, Danae was sitting in her mother’s lap in the bleachers of a local ballpark where her brother Dustin’s baseball team was practicing.
As always, Danae was chattering nonstop with her mother and several other adults sitting nearby when she suddenly fell silent.
Hugging her arms across her chest, Danae asked, "Do you smell that?" Smelling the air and detecting the approach of a thunderstorm, Diana replied, "Yes, it smells like rain." Danae closed her eyes and again asked, "Do you smell that?" Once again Diana said, "Rain." Still caught in the moment, Danae shook her head, patted her thin shoulders with her small hands and loudly announced, "No, it smells like Him….It smells like God when you lay your head on His chest."
Tears blurred Diana’s eyes as Danae then happily hopped down to play with the other children Before the rains came, her daughter’s words confirmed what Diana and all the members of the extended Blessing family had known, at least in their hearts, all along. During those long days and nights of her first two months of her life, when her nerves were too sensitive for them to touch her, God was holding Danae on His chest and it is His loving scent that she remembers so well.
No wonder everyone loves the smell of rain!
 SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 06:28 pm
soul searcher here...
...Smell of Rain...
Monday, July 04, 2005
"come to me all of you who are tired of carrying heavy loads... for my yoke i will give you is easy and my burden is light... come to me and i will give you rest..."
wala na naman ako sa sarili ko paggising ko kaninang umaga... cguro dahil na din sa ilang oras lang na tulog ko... di ko alam pano ko sisimulan ang araw... gising na ako pero wala akong lakas na kumilos :-( at nakaupo lang ako sa bed ko at nag-iisip hanggang sa pinansin ako ng pinsan ko at namalayan na parang wala pa ako sa sarili ko ng mga oras na yun... dun pa lang ako kumilos at bumaba para mag-prepare kasi kailangan pumasok...
ewan ko kung bakit ganito na naman ang nararamdaman ko... okei naman ako nung umaga, lumabas pa nga kami ng isang friend ko at nanood kami ng movie, ikot-ikot sa mall tapos nagsimba at kumain ng dinner... (actually yan yung topic ng Gospel yesterday...)
eto na naman yung mga times na kung pwede lang ako mag-disappear at pumunta sa isang lugar na ako lang ang andun, ginawa ko na...
lam ko hindi lang katawan at isip ko ang pagod ng mga oras na ito...
but whatever feelings i have for now... lam ko makakayanan ko pa rin lahat ito... kasi alam ko na hindi ako nag-iisa...
alam ko na andyan SYA...
mamaya lang cguro okei na ako...
 SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 10:40 am
soul searcher here...
...as ALWAYS...
Saturday, July 02, 2005
.:: for all my GUY-friends out there! ::.
If a girl cries in front of you, it means that she can't take it anymore.
If you take her hand, she would stay with you for the rest of ur life.
If you let her go, it will be hard for her to go back to being herself with you once again.
A girl wont cry easily, except in front of the person whom she loves the most, she becomes weak.
A girl wont cry easily, only when she loves u the most, she will put down her ego.
If a girl cries because of you, please hold her hands firmly, cause she's the one who is WILLING to stay with you for the rest of your life.
If a girl cries because of you, please dont give her up, maybe because of your decision, you'll RUIN her life.
When she cries right in front of you, when she cries bcause of you, look into her eyes, can you see and feel the pain and hurt she's feeling?
Think. Which other girl has cried with pure sincerity, in front of you, and because of you?
She cries not because she is weak. She cries not because she wants sympathy or pity.
She cries because crying silently is no longer possible.
The pain, hurt and agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside.
Guys, think about it. If a girl cries her heart out to you, and all because of you, it's time to look back on what you have done, only u will know the answer to it. Do consider it cause one day, it may be too late for regrets.
It may be too late to say "I'm sorry"...
 SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 01:28 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: for all my GUY-friends out there! ::.
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