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Tuesday, July 26, 2005
.:: everything happens for a reason ::.
"Listen carefully to what your heart says, enjoy the feeling of being in love and do not worry too much about how things will work out, do not be afraid to love just because you are afraid to get hurt..."
Sometimes people come into our life and we know right away that they were meant to be there... to serve some sort of purpose, teach us a lesson or help figure out who we are or who we want to become. We never know who these people may be but you lock eyes with them, we know that very moment that they will affect our life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to us at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection we realize that without overcoming those obstacles we would never realize our potential, strength, will power or heart.
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test limits of your soul.
Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.
The people we meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that we experience can create whom we are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts us, betrays us or breaks our heart, forgive them because they have helped us learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom we open our heart.
If someone loves us, we have to love them back unconditionally, not only because they love us, but also because they are teaching us to love and open our heart and eyes to little things. Make every day count. Appreciate everything that we possibly can, for we may never experience it again.
Talk to people whom we have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let ourself fall in love, break free and set our sights high. Hold our head up because wou have every right to.
Tell ourself that we are a great individual and believe in ourself, for if we don't believe in ourself, no one else will believe in us. Create our own life and then go out and live it.
Share this with anyone whom you believe has made a difference in your life!
"If you take your eyes off your goals, all you see is obstacles."
 SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 06:53 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: everything happens for a reason ::.
.:: do u still want it??? ::.
LOVE...
is a ONE PLEASURE
and a THOUSAND SUFFERINGS...
now, do u still want the PLEASURE???
think about it...
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 03:25 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: do u still want it??? ::.
Monday, July 18, 2005
sana sa pag-ibig wala nang napaglalaruan... wala nang nasasaktan at wala nang pinapaasa pa... kasi hindi biro ang masaktan... sobrang masakit, sobrang hirap makarecover lalo na pag ang nanakit sayo ay ang isang tao na sobra mong minahal...
sana wala nang naglalaro sa pag-iibig kasi ang paglalaro ay para sa bata lang na walang magawa... kaso parang merong taong talagang nang-aasar... hanggat minamahal mo sila lalo ka nilang niloloko at sinasaktan...
bakit ganun???
hindi ba sila pwedeng makuntento..
bakit nila ginagawa un???
para maging past time lang?!
para masabing may nagmamahal sa kanya?!
para may pang display?!
may masabing may career sila?!
sana wag naman,,dahil ang pag-iibig nararamdamn hindi dahil trip trip lang...
minsan nman may taong gugustuhin ka kasi iniwan xa nung isa...
bakit ganun????
kasi mahal ka na nya o wala lang mapagtripan kaya ka pinagtyatyagaan?!
minsan nman nagpapakatanga ka... pinipilit mo na mahal ka nya kahit alam mong may mahal syang iba...
bat mo gingawa un?!
mas mabuti pang kumalas kesa maging panakip butas...
sana sa mga taong mahilig maglaro sa pag-iibig...
sana maisip nila na may nasasaktan sila at sana alam nila na ok lang umiyak dahil sa taong minamahal nila at sa taong nagmamahal sa kanila kasi mas masakit umiyak dahil nakarma sila...
sana sa mga taong nakabasa nito...
kung isa ka man sa tinutukoy ko...
sana matauhan kana...
kesa sa araw-araw na nabubuhay ka... lagi kang nananakit at balewala sayo ang may nasasaktan..
eto ang tandaan nyo...
"MAS MASARAP UMIYAK DAHIL SA PAGMAMAHAL... KESA UMIYAK DAHIL SA KARMA!!!"
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 07:44 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: sana lang ::.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
just this morning when i got home from gimik with my college friends i made a decision which i hope is right...
i was about to sleep 'coz i'm already tired na... both mind and body...
but then i get up again, sit in my bed and started to pray to HIM...
"Lord, please don't ever give up on him 'coz i already did that... i can no longer keep my promise that i won't ever give up on him... YOU're the only ONE who knows how much i love him and what i only want is his happiness... but today as his friend, at this very minute i am giving up... i don't know why but as i see him kanina alam ko na he no longer needs me... the way he acts, the way he looked at me, the way he talked to me and the way he treats me most of the time... i am no longer the friend he needs i guess... alam ko madaming beses ko na naramdaman ito pero most of the time binibigyan ko ng justification ang lahat ng nangyayari... maybe because at the back of my mind i'm still hoping that he's still the same old person i used to know... i hope i was wrong for thinking this way... i love him so much to the point that i am being stupid and harsh to myself...
Lord, i know i don't deserve this either... we both know how much YOU love us... alam ko kung gaano kami pareho kalakas sayo... ngayon ko lang po sasabihin ito (though alam ko naman na cguro alam nyo na) na there are times na nagtatampo ako SA'YO kasi minsan feeling ko bias ka... there are times that i kept on asking myself kung bakit kung pareho kami malakas sayo... bakit parang mas malakas pa rin sya... kasi sa kanya 2 kaming concern at nagmamahal and only wants was his happiness pero sya, there are times na he didn't care pero andyan pa rin kami for him...
Lord, today i am giving it all to YOU... it's not that i am tired of him... it's just that at this very moment i realized that as long as im here for him, allowing him to do all those things that we both know is not right he will stay that way which is not what i wanted for him... i know i have no rights to tell or say what was right or wrong for him but only YOU. i maybe selfish for saying this but i guess he really needs sometime to be alone with himself... to know more about his ownself... like what he told me before...
LORD, thanks for everything... for always being there for both of us, though we have failed YOU for so many times...
today LORD, i prayed more for him... more understanding, more patience...
'coz for now LORD, i cannot say that i am still here for him... YOU know how hard doing this for me that's why i am hoping that whatever decision i made right now was the right one for both of us especially for him...
i pray for YOUR enlightenment LORD...
Thank You.
AMEN."
after that prayer di ako nakatulog... kahit anong pilit ko pumikit at pilitin ang isip na makatulog na wala pa din hanggang sa sumikat na ang araw gising pa din ako... i decided to go to office na lang early at umuwi ng province 'coz i know there sumhow makakatulog ako ng maayos... ayoko na muna mag-isip ng kahit ano... cguro tama na muna ang pag-iisip... kung anuman ang mangyari... i know HE has good reasons for it...
as i was writing this one... inaantok pa din ako pero pinilit ko matapos ito... naghihintay ng oras dahil gusto ko na umuwi at gusto ko na matulog...
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 01:47 pm
soul searcher here...
i hope & pray
Friday, July 15, 2005
.:: ikaw, ano gagawin mo??? ::.
"what if you had one day left, what would you do?"
>>last night i watched "If Only" ni Jennifer Lovehewitt with my best buddy. t'was a really nice movie na okei lang kahit ulit-ulitin ko... additional na naman sa collection of beatiful movies na gusto ko... hehehe
neweiz, let's go back with the movie...
i was really touched dun sa ginawa nung guy...
while watching it i kept on asking my buddy kung meron pa ba ganung guy sa mundo ngayon and she just answered me with a smile...
i even asked myself the same question...
"what if i had one day left, what would i do?"
till makauwi ako ng bahay, naglalaro sa isip ko ang tanong na yan...
while having my shower, pinipilit ko pa din masagot...
nakahiga na ako at tulad ng madaming gabi na nagdaan, nakatitig na naman ako sa 4 na sulok ng kawarto... nag-iisip... ano nga ba ang gagawin ko???
ni-assess ko ang nararamdaman ko...
maraming ideas ang pumasok sa isip ko...
ang mga gusto kong gawin... mga gusto kong sabihin...
umaandar ang oras... di ko namalayan past 12am na pala...
pinilit kong pumikit para makatulog na ako pero kahit anong gawin ko hindi talaga ako makatulog... naglalaro pa rin sa isip ko ang lahat ng bagay na gusto kong gawin at sabihin kung sakaling isang araw na lang ang natitira sa buhay ko...
pero kailangan ko pa bang hintayin ang araw na yun???
sa palagay ko hindi na...
habang may oras pa ako gagawin ko na lang ang mga bagay na gusto ko gawin...
at least alam ko na kung sakaling dumating man ang araw na yun... masaya na ako at wala akong regrets na hindi ko nagawa or nasabi...
hindi ko na alam kung anong oras na ako nakatulog pero feeling ko mag-uumaga na yun...
at hanggang ngayon habang ginagawa ko ito... iniisip ko pa din ang lahat...
hindi ko alam kung paao sisimulan pero at least ngayon may idea na ako kung ano ang gusto ko gawin... lam ko naman na di NYA ako papabayaan eh... lam ko na andyan SYA palagi for me...
and tulad pa din ng palagi kong sinasabi...
living for 5 seconds is the same as living for 50 years...
why wait for tomorrow if you can do it now...
LIVE LIFE as IF its your LAST...
'coz YOU'LL never KNOW what YOU'VE got till it's GONE...
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 02:42 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: ikaw, ano gagawin mo??? ::.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
.:: what the... ah ewan ::.
i was reading this article in one of the entries in PEX, when suddenly my phone rangs... and on the other line was him...
haaaaayyyyy, sabi ko na lang sa sarili ko...
bakit ko ba pinapahirapan ang sarili??
bakit ko ba hinayaan na muling magulo ang kahit papano ay nananahimik na pag-iisip ko???
lam ko sumhow naka-move on na ako...
natanggap ko na ang lahat... na kahit anong gawin ko ang nakalipas ay nakalipas na at di na muling magbabalik pa...
alam ko napagod na ako sa lahat ng sakit na naramdaman ko... kung tutuusin dumating na ako sa punto na naging manhid na ako at halos wala ng nararamdaman dahil yun ang gusto ko...
pero bakit eto na naman ako???
haaaaayyyyy, ewan ko ba naman kung bakit pati ang "puso" ko nakikitulad pa sakin na sobrang "pasaway"... di na lang sumunod sa gusto ng "isip" ko...
ewan ko ba kung bakit palagi silang nagtatalo...
"sige, babalikan ko na muna yung ginagawa ko!", sagot ng asa kabilang line
"okei, kala ko ba wala ka ginagawa?", ang tanong ko
ewan ko, di ko na nga alam kung nagkainitindihan kami sa pinag-usapan namain sa phone basta alam ko nagkwento lang ako at nakinig sya... pero maski ako hindi ko alam kung yung lahat ng sinasabi ko eh nagre-register sa utak ko... hindi ko alam kung bakit?
basta... kaya itinuloy ko na lang ang pagbabasa ng article na ito...
at pagkatapos...
sabi ko na naman sa sarili ko...
dapat kasi yung mga nababasa ko... ina-apply ko sa sarili ko...
may sense ba ako???
basta, basahin nyo na lang ito...
LOVING IN A FANTASY WORLD
By Joe D’ Mango
Many of us find it difficult to move on after a failed relationship because we pretend and make ourselves believe that isn’t really over. We still hope that somehow we can work things out and start over again.
There is nothing wrong with loving a person but when this feeling traps us in a world beyond what is real, then we are bound to get hurt. Most of us live in our own fantasies because it is safer there. But, the more time we spend in this make-believe world, the more we drift away from reality and the more we are likely to be imprisoned by our own fears.
Relationships are made and broken everyday. Those who lose it are always faced with a difficult task of moving on alone. What most of us refuse to understand is that we cannot move on without acceptance in our hearts. For as long as we still hold back what isn’t ours anymore, we cannot truly let go.
Letting go means accepting the fact that we are alone now and what used to be "us" will just be "me" and it just has to be like that until we recover from our fall.
Give yourself time to grieve. Like in any fresh wound, the pain will always be there. But after hurting comes healing and after healing comes a new hope to build our lives again.
We can never be certain about relationships because not all of them are made to last our lifetime. But we have to constantly nurture it so it can grow and we can grow old with it.
We should not mourn forever when someone we love leaves us. We fail in our relationships because God has a better plan for us. All we have to do is trust him. Always remember that it is only when we let go that we have the chance to get back what was taken away from us.
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 02:45 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: what the... ah ewan ::.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
a friend of mine asked me, "mahal mo pa ba?"
then i replied, "sobra..."
she then asked me again, "ba't di mo ipaglaban?"
i just whispered, "masaya na sya, ayoko nang guluhin pa!"
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 04:51 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: d' conversation ::.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
...i know it's worth the wait...
I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me. if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you.
I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions. Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known "love". I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person.... and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is!
You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways! I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes.
I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me --- the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice. After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect --- for YOU! I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey. But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here ... patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love.
At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love.
And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life --- and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!
In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don't even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me...
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 04:57 pm
soul searcher here...
...i know it's worth the wait...
.:: just keeping myself busy ::.
wala na naman ako magawa...
buti na lang nakita ko ang site na ito... ART.COM at since wala ako ginagawa and wanted to keep myelf busy naisipan ko na lang mag paint... hehehe
at ito nga yung nagawa ko... if you wanna see how i did those pics... just click on the link under every pictures...
magandang pampalipas oras at pantanggal ng depression...
paintings by JhenSkie through the help of ART.com
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 12:32 pm
soul searcher here...
.:: just keeping myself busy ::.
Friday, July 08, 2005
i'LL miss whoppi for sure :-(
this morning my mom texted me that my dog "whoopi" was not feeling well "matamlay daw at kahapon pa ayaw kumain". i told my mom na painumin ng gatas at pag hindi pa rin kumain i-dala na nila sa vet... i haven't receive any text message again from her again after that...
tapos kanina lang mga 20mins ago, nag-txt ulit mommy ko na wala na si whoopi ko...
shocks... sobrang nagulat ako at naiinis sa sarili ko kasi wala man lang ako nagawa... 2 weeks ago lang nung huli ako umuwi sa bahay ako pa yung nagpaligo sa kanya tapos bilihan ko pa sya ng bagong neck bracelet para maipasyal sya ng kapatid ko... tapos bigla na lang ngayon wala na sya...
naiiyak din ako... my mom kept on texting me kasi alam nya na sobra akong maapektuhan once na malaman ko ang nangyari but then she told me na cguro daw "whoopi just save one life in our family".
cguro nga tama ang mommy ko pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasan ang malungkot... actually habang ginagawa ko ito, naiiyak ako...
wala na akong papaliguan at susuklayan pag uuwi ako ng bahay... wala lang kakagat sa slippers ko at wala na akong hahabulin pag nakakalabas sya sa kulungan nya...
shocks, mami-miss ko talaga si whoppi... till now hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang talagang nararamdaman ko pero cguro nga i just have to accept na lang na hanggang dun na lang talaga ang life nya...
sabi ng isang friend ko "ayaw mo nun at least pagdating mo dun (...pertaining to heaven i guess) may pet ka na naghihintay sayo..."
pero hindi talaga cguro ganun kadali tanggapin na nawalan na naman ako ng isang mahalagang parte ng buhay ko... for almost a year and half of having her... lam ko malaki ang naging part nya sa life ko... yung time ang emotions i spent with her...
pero ngayon wala na...
tanging memories na naman nya ang naiwan...
for sure... i will miss her :-(
SimpLe ThoughTs by jhenskie posted at exactly 05:32 pm
soul searcher here...
i'LL miss whoppi for sure :-(
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